early morning...

I woke up at 4:00 a.m. The mornings are the worst no matter what time I wake up. Sometimes there is a split second of dozing where I forget where I am, and I listen for familiar morning sounds that aren’t there anymore. I lay in bed until 5:00, finally got up to make coffee, got out the sketchbook, and pondered the sudden turns life can take. Friends (I need to mention how my friends & family have shown up for me in oh-so-many ways 💜) are sending articles (all appreciated) about healing a broken heart, the science of heartbreak, how to get through heartache… All I can think about it is how I feel on the edge of depression, but am refusing to give in — there is work to do, boxes to unpack, walks to take. I can’t understand all the Reasons Why, but that doesn’t stop me from making a mental list at 5:30. By 6:00 I start to release the hope that there will be a way to get back what has been lost. By 6:30 I decide there’s not much to hope for looking ahead, either. I guess this is why I need to stay in the moment. There’s a painting in my mind about this. Perhaps I’ll work on it tonight.

Thanks for bearing with me through this. I’ll be fine. It’s just so hard pushing through sometimes. And in the meantime, there is the whole world of chaos happening around us. Be well, everyone.