I’ve been working with a fabulous woman in town who is building a new site for me on Squarespace, where I can have a better shop experience for my cards and prints… I’m a little nervous about the transition, but I will keep communicating with you folks who are following me, about how to follow me at Squarespace as well! I’m looking forward to this next online adventure 😊
Last week my Anxious Brain threw a temper tantrum. Everything in my life was being filtered, the way a dog recognizes only a few words of your conversation with him. My Anxious Brain disregards the entirety of many sentences, and tends to reframe whole concepts in a bizarre attempt to undermine my Logical Brain. Something like this: “Do you think you can make this deadline?” turns into “We are pretty sure you are not going to be able to meet this deadline.” Someone saying to me “Sure, I’d like to see you later.” turns into “You are so needy, I guess I have to show up for you even though I have better things to do.” Anxious Brain also hears a phrase like “not now” and holds on to the “not” part… words like “maybe” can be a trigger… and silence — like those silent dog whistles? Yeah, Anxious Brain latches on to that as well.
I’ve used the analogy of Anxious Brain Dog for myself for a while. If I catch the dog soon enough, before it grabs onto a piece of negativity, I can shove a treat in its face and we all move on. If I don’t catch it… well… it retrieves every percieved bit of self-esteem crushing information and just rolls around in it… which every dog owner can imagine <insert disgusting pile of whatever your dog rolls in while you uselessly yell at it>…
This sketch was part of my coping mechanism last weekend.
Even when things are fine I end up worrying about all the things that I think I should be worried about instead of feeling fine. That being said, I present this evenings sketching.
It was a wonderful whirlwind trip to Maine! Up to Schoodic Point, where we stood on the rocks and wondered about flat earth theory, made up reasons how the rocks got cracked, and reminisced about the yard sales we stopped at. Then off to mini golf and a restaurant meal so terrible it will be months before I can see a bottle of Alfredo sauce without laughing. The next day was a drive to Popham Beach, with warm sand, swimmable ocean water, and the porcupine’s first kite flying experience… Dinner and wine with friends, and the next day breakfast with the same, and then we puttered along home tuning in to as many 80s music stations as we could find.
I hit the ground running with work… and am wishing I could pack up and drive back to the beach tomorrow.
I’m working hard to figure out my brain chemicals… worry, anxiety, panic… disbelief, fear, trust. Funny how new situations can trigger old memories and knee jerk reactions. These are two panels from a comic I did this afternoon, sketching like this definitely feels more natural than a diary. Shadow bunny seems to be off on an adventure, but he’ll be back, I’m sure…