Trying to find my Groove

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This resettlement period is taking longer than I had anticipated… I haven’t yet found my groove in any aspect of my life! I’ve been maintaining a decent work schedule (this is the easiest one to commit to… I mean, paying bills is a high priority for me 😊)… but cleaning the house, doing laundry, making time for old and new friends and family, taking my car in for an oil change (how did I put that many miles on it so fast?)… it’s all still by the seat of my pants…  And to be honest, it feels like I am actually just starting to process everything that has happened in my life over the last… 16 (?!) years? So my head and heart are having several “a-ha” moments a day, which is simply exhausting. It seems like I am spending a lot of time just being tired.

The biggest missing groove is still the creative one. I can’t put my finger on exactly why it’s so hard to sit and sketch. It feels like Whimsical Abrah is on vacation… maybe visiting a sweet cottage by the ocean somewhere. I hope she’s enjoying herself. I did move my art space into the living area of my apartment, instead of upstairs in what I thought would be a studio. I’ve been asked to work on some drawings for a blog header for a friend, and this is been my hardest challenge yet. My Self Confidence seems to have disappeared with Whimsy. I spent some time today working through a few sketches of the critters involved… just putting pencil to paper took several deep breathes. I’ll get in the groove again, I just need to take a little more time.

Morning Chats

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Sometimes my morning chats include other people, sometimes it’s just me and Shadow Bunny. I tend to win more discussions on those mornings.

I’ve been in my new home for 4 weeks and 4 days. It feels manageable, and it feels like I’m fitting in. I’m still not completely unpacked, and haven’t fully decided where my office desk will be versus my art desk (upstairs and downstairs options!). Art and shelves are leaning against the walls waiting to be hung. I’ve ordered a new vacuum, and I’m telling myself that once it arrives I will move ahead with everything that has been languishing.

While the physical move was a pain in the butt, it’s the mental and emotional move that are still affecting me. The self-deprecating default setting.

I am trying to pay more attention to the pauses I have in my day, when for just a single moment I feel content — I just smile and my shoulders drop, and I breathe in.

 

 

 

Getting through the lonely moments

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The afternoon hours between 5 and 7 seem to be tripping me up. Work is finished by then and since I now live in an apartment  there aren’t really outdoor chores to tend to. Cooking for one means there is virtually no meal planning. Yesterday I drove to a local lake to just sit in the sunshine and listen to the water, and the families enjoying the evening. I felt broken. Probably everyone has had that moment, when you are alone and wonder how you got to this place. By the time I headed home I had decided to sit at my art desk for a while… just as I was finishing two new friends asked to come over for tea and pastries… and for a while the Universe seemed to balance out. I feel like this hare will be my Muse for a while, she seems easy to work with.

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This morning I was feeling …. glum. Disjointed. More so than usual. I think I have neglected my little happy voice, it’s been doing it’s best for a long time, and while I have been feeding it in a variety of ways, I think I need to just say thank you to it for being there for me. And give it a small vacation.

Still adjusting…

I feel like it has been months and months since the move, and when I realize it’s only been 3 weeks I try to reset my brain. It’s okay that I am not drawing. It’s okay I haven’t made 10 new friends in town. It’s okay that I am still not completely unpacked. This morning I had a little anxiety attack about everything and decided I better go find someplace deep in the woods to just breathe.