The Summer of Being Enough


I felt like my own Inspiration Poster yesterday while driving home. And honest-to-god moment of “I am enough.” It even extended beyond me, and turned into “my garden is enough, my art is enough, my work load is enough, my life is enough.” This summer, I decided, would be one where I would practice the art of Not Needing to Be More.

There are enough memes and posts out there about Being Happy With Who You Are that I know I am not the only one who spends time thinking I should be more… more creative, more compassionate, more athletic, more educated… and thinks my office should be more organized, the garden more colorful, meals more healthy, and definitely wishing for more time…

Not this summer. Nope. There’s enough of everything.

Nature, whether you are watching or not

I haven’t been been able to sketch during the last few days. I’ve picked up the tools but it just isn’t in me. Today I marveled at the natural stories and jests that happen in nature whether I’m able to capture them or not.

A hummingbird in a thrift re-store warehouse. He comes every year about this time the salespeople told me. As I was at the register I pointed out that even though the doors are all open, he keeps flying to the large vases of silk flowers… Maybe they should put them outside? It was a relief to see when I was backing out of my parking space they had done just that. He was a large ruby-throated beast, I’m sure he’ll figure it out.

Back to my Dad’s place, sitting in the sun. There’s a bird, not a robin, watching me from a dead tree. I guess it’s a flycatcher the way it hovers over the grass. I watch it zoom towards a butterfly feeding, in the next moment watch the butterfly chasing the bird around the side of the house. Aggressive butterflies?! The butterfly returned shortly, but I haven’t seen the bird back yet.

A hawk flies over, a small bird nipping at it’s wing. No screams, no aerial acrobatics, just smooth circles with a tiny nemesis poking at it.

It’s all out there, I love it when I happen to see it.


For the last week or so there has been a pretty intense challenge each day. I am a worrier, planner, and over-thinker… and when things don’t fall into place the way I think they should, well,  I can become pretty unglued. I try and re-ground myself every day… some days better than others…

BUT finally! Our darling deranged hummingbird reappeared! On a day that I really needed my spirit lifted.


And then the next day I watched the ants trooping down the rope, over the knot, and getting stymied by the hook and water in the reservoir. Up and down, getting more manic, and then finally they seemed to agree it wasn’t worth it and marched home. Except one. There was one tenacious ant, who carefully looked things over, tested it’s balance, and didn’t give up. In fact, I left before it did, so I’m not sure how long it tried. It was a good Muse. I wish I could find it again in the midst of all the ants scurrying around our stoop.


Paying Attention

On my drive into the office this morning I had a random encounter with two critters — a groundhog and a pileated woodpecker. Both of them seemed to be just waiting for me to go by, to give me a little wave (or maybe shake their… wing? paw? at me…) Their messages seem to be good ones to pay attention to right now…


Being Awkward

I know people who have panic attacks and true social anxiety. I’m fortunate enough that I don’t. I have just enough anxiety to make me worry about absolutely every detail, and enough self-awareness that I feel (and act) incredible awkward in new places or with new people.

A previous employer told me that my interview was one of the worst he had ever seen. He hired me anyway, based on my references, and it was a year before he told me how awful I had been — after he realized that I wasn’t a complete fruitcake.

What bothers me the most these days is that I miss out on events that I think I would really enjoy because I completely psyche myself out of going. Or, if I do go, I have second, third, and fourth thoughts about it and present myself like babbling idiot. Or stand-offish. And I know I am doing it and am helpless to stop it.

So, bear with me if you invite me to something and I don’t show up, or maybe worse, I do show up and immediately lurk in a corner making awkward eye contact with people walking by.


Waiting… patiently… sort of…

I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of our Deranged Hummingbird and his cohorts. I’ve already made one batch of food, and 3 or 4 days later had to refresh it because the ants clogged it up. I feel like having hummingbirds zipping around is a sign that summer is really here.